A monologue, delivered by a young woman to her friends (and, incidentally, the rest of the carriage) on a GWR train from Cholsey to Paddington.
I got Netflix last night. It represents a real turning point in my life – basically an admission that I’ll be lonely the rest of my days.
I’ve always borrowed Netflix off my girlfriend or the person I was seeing so not getting Netflix forced me to continue the pursuit of love. Now I’ve got my own Netflix I don’t need to go out anymore. I’ve given up.
On the plus side, though, getting Netflix means I don’t have to stay too long in toxic relationships – that’s worth £10 a month!
Actually it was £6 because I got the individual account. They boosted me to premium for the first 30 days – I only wanted it for Christmas.
So I spent all last night watching Don’t F*** With Cats. Everyone’s talking about it – where have you been, under a rock or something?
I don’t know anything about animal cruelty, so I thought it’d just be that woman who put the cat in the bin, but it wasn’t.